Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
