Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
