Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
