I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
