Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
where are you?
Hypothermia
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
