Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
