Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize