You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
