If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
