he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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