you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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