I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
