If i come over, it means nothing
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
