Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
