i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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