i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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