i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
