I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
