It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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