Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
