someone threw a dead crab at me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
