Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
