I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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