Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
