Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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