there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
