is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
