i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
