you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
