I am in a vortex of obligation.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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