You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
