The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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