I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
