I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
