I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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