I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
