he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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