i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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