he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
