I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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