When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
