i think my mom watched the whole time
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
