Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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