hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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