she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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