i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
