I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
