So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
