No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
