I'm lost and stupid without you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
