i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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