Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
