Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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