so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
