How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
