the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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