just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
