babies were throwing up all over the place
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
