is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
