dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
