Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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