are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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