just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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