The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize