I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
