Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
