I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
